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Posts Tagged ‘BNP’

Hodgson to call up BNP supporters

In Satire on June 23, 2014 at 3:38 PM

Roy Hodgson has bowed to pressure from the public for England football players with more “passion” by announcing he will now select BNP supporters for the national team.

Following the team’s return to England after their dead rubber against Costa Rica tomorrow, the England manager will, in the absence of any remaining official meeting place for the troubled political movement, look for new players by scouring pubs, fish and chip shops, Jobcentres, the outside of mosques and the types of websites where more is written in upper case than lower case.

Hodgson said: “I will explain the situation to prospective players and draw them in with the promise of being able to promote their political views to a global audience in exotic corners of the world.

“I’m guessing they will be too stupid to realise the irony of that.”

He went on to explain that if someone was interested they must pass a basic test of explaining the offside rule then completing ten kick-ups – to demonstrate basic football knowledge and ability – and then belting out the national anthem and expressing convincing abuse of a minority – to test the more important attribute of “passion”.

“After that, training will consist of some orthodox training sessions but much time drinking copious amounts of alcohol in a pub while watching top-level football and thinking up ways to insult the foreign players,” Hodgson added.

“It will be good for team spirit. None of these spats which have plagued the national team recently. Hate can be a very unifying force, you know.”

BNP Chairman Nick Griffin said: “This is fantastic news, because it means the national team will be restored into the hands of good, honest, native, tax-paying Englishmen.

“The players selected will probably turn up pissed, but that is because we, the BNP, reflect good, honest, native, tax-paying Englishmen.

“And they will still play better pissed than Phil Jagielka sober.”

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Once you go black, you don’t go back

In reportage on March 30, 2014 at 3:55 PM

It’s not often the porn industry is the good guy in the news, but it has proved just so in a weird, lurid tale to emerge from Germany.

Former porn star Ina Groll, 28, turned away from the profession, declaring “I am tired of exposing my body. From now on I will expose a policy of hate.”

But most would say she is espousing a policy of hate, as she started campaigning for the far-right German political party, the National Democratic Party. (Why is it that it’s always the least democratic organisations which have ‘democratic’ or ‘people’s’ in their name?)

The party – which describes itself as Germany’s “only significant patriotic force” but which has only pockets of support – has been involved in various race controversies and huge financial trouble, much like the BNP, and has even been subject to two attempts by the German state to ban it.

The controversies include campaigning against the importance of holocaust commemoration in Germany, this poster (“we’re cleaning up”), and issuing a leaflet protesting the selection of a black player in Germany’s national football team, with the slogan: “White. Not just the color of a team shirt! For a true national team!”

Ms Groll, who went by the stage name ‘Kitty Blair’, joined Facebook and Twitter last November and expressed support for the party, with various messages railing against both government and “other” people, supposedly leeching off the rest of Germany.

Her profile picture has a banner reading “resistance, we will not be stopped”, other posts call for radical change and another states: “Enough! Criminals, foreigners and social parasites out of our country and return to their home!” (All translated).

As well as various posts on social media in support of the party, she canvassed for them on the street, aiming to attract male voters and penning the slogan “nationalism can be sexy too”.

…But, the NDP obviously believes, only if that sex is between white people. Because, after realising that Groll not only sold her body for money but – dur, dur, durrrr! – once had sex with a black man on camera, in Kitty Discovers Sperm, a Facebook group was created calling for her to be banned.

According to the Daily Mail, one member posted: “Those who sell their body for money and disgrace their race have no place in our party.”

Senior NPD officials agreed that they would cut all ties with Groll.

But Ms Groll’s troubles worsened after she found that the porn industry, disgusted with the revelations of her ugly politics, would not welcome her back with open arms (and throbbing members).

John Thompson, German porn industry spokesman and head of porn company GGG, said the decision to ban her was unanimous.

“In the porn film industry, we welcome participants with all skin colours, and all nationalities, but we don’t welcome Nazis. If we had known about her political activities, we would have sent her home straight away,” he said.

And fellow pornster Axel Scaffrath said: “The popular view is that she needs to be locked up, no one needs someone like her with her perverted view of the world.”

So well done, porn, saving the world from the scourge of neo-nazism one crazy pornstar at a time…

Originally published on Planet Ivy