England turning Blue

In Satire on November 6, 2013 at 12:30 PM

Independent bookshops, art retailers and French language courses are reporting a huge increase in the number of sales to men following the recent release of two sexually explicit French films.

Blue Is The Warmest Colour tells the story of a shy, working class girl who falls in love with an older, sophisticated art student, and Jeune & Jolie (Young and Beautiful) follows 17-year-old Isabelle as she enters the world of high-class prostitution.

And it appears men are, so to speak, warming to the arty, intellectual and liberated world portrayed in the two films, as the France Universale Centre of Culture (FUCC) have announced a 35% increase in ‘Frenchy-ness’, which it attributes to amorous men.

Its Director, Bernaud Abel, said: “C’est magnifique. Le English man, he adores our sumptuous women.”

“That philistine, Davide Cameron, he deprives le English man of la pornographie, and le feministes they all say they are enlightened but they sound like they want men to be eunuchs.”

“But man is a sexual animal, as is woman! We French understand this, and this is why ze English flock to our women now!”

To test out this new found love for our Gallic neighbours, we took to the trendy streets of Shoreditch, East London, where we found converted Francophile Tom Squires buying a vintage poster of Avignon and a copy of Nausea by Sartre.

“I really admire the immediacy that undergirds both of these sublime films and the challenging notions of selfhood they both explore,” he said.

“And the sexuality inherent in the pictures clearly traces a long lineage of quintessentially French themes of liberation and revolution.”

However, Randy Thomas, who was picking up an Introduction to French book having seen Blue Is The Warmest Colour, hinted at more prosaic reasons for the British man’s cultural conversion.

“Je……voo-drayz…boobs,” he said. Grinning.

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